I have no sympathy for people who try and karate chop pieces of glass.

I just don't see the thrill in bungee jumping. If you wanna live life on the edge, get in the car with me. That's way more scary.

I would love to have access to these people. I'd never have to share a public restroom again.

My favorite line, "He was forced to get married to someone he did not want to marry. But that does not mean that he did not love her."

Look at what just dropped, ya'll! New Juggal-footage!

It's amazing that it's almost been a year since the last Gathering of the Juggalos. The world was a lot more innocent then. There were no oil spills, our iPhones didn't drop bars when you touched them, and we were still reeling from the 9th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos.

Here's the latest infomercial promoting the next gathering, which I'm kinda impressed by. I don't know how they managed to get Coolio, Tila Tequila, Slick Rick and Gallagher all at the same event, but they did it. Miracles, ya'll. 

Also, let's talk about Sugar Slam for a second. Her mouth is dirty, she looks a little slutty and...well, she looks a little slutty. If this caliber of women will be attending the Gathering next month - and not this thing - then you can rest assured I'll be there, painting dripping from my sweaty, ICP-admiring crack and everything. 

I Wanna puppy, I wanna puppy, I wanna puppy!!!!

Yes, yes...I see your point.

I guess even tortoises' have fetishes.

With 20 days before she has to turn herself in, I see a few options for Miss Lindsay Lohan:

1. She'll overdose

2. She'll 5150

3. She'll accumulate several more felony charges

Love the judge, but why didn't they take her immediately into custody?

Directed by David Fincher, written by Aaron Sorkin...it'll be brilliant or pure pop culture crap. Either way, I can't wait.

I love LaToya Jackson, basically because she's completely unhinged and unpredictable.

I have no clue who this man is, but I love a good on-air meltdown as much as the next guy.

I wish this was a real show. Mostly, because I just want The Wire back on the air.